Our children want a puppy.

This evening, they presented the following, well-thought out case to Iron Man in the hopes of convincing him to get them one for Christmas:

“Puppies are cuddly, puppies are cute,
They’re never nasty or mean…”

“Daddy, can we get a dog? ” This simple question brings a peal of laughter from you. “Why do you even want a puppy?”

“Everyone has a dog.”

“Now kids, not everyone has a dog, but I understand what you mean. I have an answer for your question: NO!” Now is that your only reason?

The same answer to that question. NO! We have a list of clever answers to all the questions and doubts you may have.

First of all, you may say, “You want a puppy this year, and if I buy you one, who knows? You might want a bunny next year!” To this, we answer, “A puppy can be our Christmas present for every year, and our birthday presents too!”

“Okay, but if you want a puppy, you better have a good name for him that I like,” you say. “All right, you can name him,” we answer, “but if you need some ideas we have a list:

Bolt, Marius, Rover, Big Red, ScoobyDoo,Tucker, Jack, Inky, Grace, Prince, Beethoven, Lady, Tramp, Perro, Caro, Pedro, Mario, Stretch, Snoopy, Scrappy, Ribsy, Fido, and last but not least, Angus.

Okay, these should help you name the dog. If you need any more names, please tell us. We would be happy to help.

You may say, “Naming the dog is easy. But I can’t train the dog. I just don’t have the time. No.” But we have an answer to that too. “We walk the dog. We will read books on how to train it, and if we need help, we will not ask you.”

“What about our allergies? You certainly do not have an answer to that, right?” Wrong. Google it, and you will get a list of dogs that don’t shed.

“What will we do when we go on vacation?” That problem is easily solved. Gram can “dogsit” for us when we go on vacation, and we’ll “dogsit” for her when she goes on vacation. (Side Note from Michelle: Right now, I suspect that Gram just heightened her interest in this case!)

Mom heard that dogs actually help with language and speech problems. Now think of how that would help George!

A dog could keep George busy, so George wouldn’t destroy the house. Just think of it-George not destroying the house! We would have a clean home.

Now we know what your next question will be, “What about the food?” We say, “If we get a dog, we’ll buy the food. Don’t you know how much money Gameboy has?” :-)

We will potty train both the dog and George. First, we train the dog to go outside before doing his business, then we say to George, “What’s wrong with you, George? The wuff-wuff goes potty where he’s supposed to, and you don’t.” And everyone knows that George loves dogs and he will surely start going in the big boy potty and not in his pants! How cool is that?

You may say, “Someone has to walk the dog every day, and its not gonna be me!” Here’s the deal: You get us a dog, and we will walk him every day without complaining.

“Ha ha ha!” you say. “You think I’m about to buy you a dog if you walk him?!?”

“Yes,” we answer, “and if we do everything that we just listed. And we know that you love us, so there are our reasons.”

“I’d give a home to all the lost puppies,
If ever one day I were queen!”

“Arf!”

Iron Man was impressed by their persuasive appeal, but has not arrived at a verdict yet. Personally, I think schnoodles are awfully cute. I hear that they are hypo-allergenic. Just sayin’, ya know? I’m not taking sides. I’m Switzerland.

But, they are supposed to be good with children. I’ll zip it now.

Switzerland.